she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
