Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
