she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
cat food counts as protein by the way
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
