She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
