Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You're like the curious george of whores
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
