I wannas sexs uuuuu
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
