So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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