I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
