It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
