"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
