xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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