Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
