Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
