If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
