Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize