How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
