We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
