I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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