Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize