I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
