So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
