Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I understand Curling. That high.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
