I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
