two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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