My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
