From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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