We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you traded sex for a burrito?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
