Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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