So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
