yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
