Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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