Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
