he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
