I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
