just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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