ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
