She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
