woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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