drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
