Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
