ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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