Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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