Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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