this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize