apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
