i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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