2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
