Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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