It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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