Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
