goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
