nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
