it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
