Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
