My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
