Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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