Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
