Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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