I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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