That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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