I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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