Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Never underestimate the power of titties
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
