Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
