I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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