He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
