god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
