you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
as a side note pls kill me
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
